17 SECRETS to a Healthy Marriage – High School Sweethearts Give Relationship Advice

By | June 5, 2022

After 17 years of being together, we have learned a lot about what it takes to build and maintain a healthy relationship. We started dating in high school, survived long distance in college, travelled the world together and separately, got married, bought a dog, had a child and have learned so much along the way. To celebrate being together longer than we haven't, we wanted to share 17 secrets to a healthy relationship that we've learned through being together.

#relationshipadvice #marriageadvice #relationshiptips

Chapters:
0:00 – 01:45 – Intro
01:45 – 02:43 – Advice #1: Listen with an Open Mind
02:43 – 04:23 – Advice #2: Communicate Effectively
04:23 – 05:25 – Advice #3: Stop Counting
05:25 – 07:16 – Advice #4: The Five Love Languages
07:16 – 07:49 – Advice #5: You CAN Go to Bed Angry
07:49 – 9:49 – Advice #6: Don't Stop Dating
09:49 – 11:13 – Advice #7: Falling in and Out of Love
11:13 – 12:04 – Advice #8: Talk to Love Experts
12:04 – 12:44 – Advice #9: The Three Relationships
12:44 – 13:27 – Advice #10: Best Friends with Benefits
13:27 – 14:13 – Advice #11: Spend Time Apart
14:13 – 15:01 – Advice #12: Try New Things Together
15:01 – 16:02 – Advice #13: It's Okay to Have Crushes
16:02 – 16:12 – Advice #14: Make Out Often
16:12 – 16:56 – Advice #15: Travel Together
16:56 – 17:59 – Advice #16: Stay Intimate
17:59 – 19:32 – Advice #17: The Most Important Tip

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We started dating at 17 years old and We're 35 now Which means at this year we surpassed The point where we've been together Longer than we've been apart in our Lives We we have A lot of advice and we wanted to compile That advice Into a little video for you guys to kind Of explain how we have lasted so long Our relationship has not been smooth it Has had many bumps along our 17 years And we've learned a lot of tools and Mechanisms to get over them and and to Push through But it hasn't been easy and the advice We're going to give is going to start Off pretty Basic And then it's going to be like more R-rated Or x-rated not our training No one's going to get killed Right Okay so here are 17 relationship tips From 17 years of being together [Music] This is [Music] [Music] I look into your eyes [Music] No longer

[Music] Learn how to listen with an open mind This is a very fundamental basic basic Part of your relationship and if you can Master these first like few tips you're Well on your way to having a very strong Foundation a lot of us are better Talkers than we are listeners sometimes We shouldn't be giving advice sometimes We should just listen that's something That i think that you've uh really Learned over the years that i just Sometimes just need to Let out whatever i'm feeling and not It might seem like i'm asking for advice But really i just need a good listener Yeah i just need you to just be there And know that i can tell you anything And that you're just gonna accept what I'm saying Not judge me and just listen and like That's enough and a great way to do that Is to actually repeat what your partner Is saying i understand that you feel This way because of this reason i hear You and just being heard can can melt Tension away absolutely Learn how to communicate effectively Every Relationship expert will tell you it's All about communication every elderly Couple that gives you advice says oh It's all about communication but none Are giving you like actual tools on how

To communicate effectively learning About how your partner is receiving Messages Is the key here and i think that's Something that you definitely learn you Do you learn over time as you get to Know that person And learn to learn how they process Things or how they hear things because Everyone does differently yes you could Be saying one thing and my brain is Hearing it a different way an example Could be i say uh we never go on dates And my brain hears that very literally As literally like we never go on dates What do you mean we want a date like two Weeks ago a month ago we went on a date And you loved it two months ago we went On another date but like how can you say Never like So Her messaging is being received very Differently for me so it's important on Her end to know how to communicate Effectively knowing how i'm going to Receive it Because she wants me to receive it the Way She feels right so i'm saying we never Go on dates meaning like i want to go on More dates yeah we do go on dates but I'm very i'm over dramatic and i have to Remember that he's very literal right Right going back to our first point

About being a good listener Understanding that when she says that It's not literally what she means She's conveying an emotion within The the context of the words so i need To realize oh okay that just means that She wants to go on more dates Stop counting It's counting all the little things that You each do in a day oh i did the dishes Twice yesterday and then i'll say oh no I did the laundry twice you know last Week and we're just like tallying things Stop counting yeah it is not healthy for Your relationship to be tallying every Single thing you guys do in your lives This is something that i'm really Working on because i i find that i do it A lot it's just understanding that Overall It's 50 50. but maybe i'm i'm putting More effort into one aspect and you're Putting more Effort into another aspect but Everything's getting done And everything's working so look at it From that perspective counting is so Unhealthy for your relationship it Builds toxicity and it's just not Helpful in any realm and resentment yeah And resentment so much resentment and Most of the time we're counting and not Telling our partner that we're counting So like jeez how can how can we make any

Changes if we're not like communicating Effectively Learn the five love languages this is a Great book by the way if you haven't Read it there's a book called the five Love languages yeah and it talks about The the five ways in which we all feel The most loved the five love languages Are Words of affirmation You look very handsome today thank you Quality time Spending time together just hanging out Acts of service Doing something nice for the person Receiving gifts And physical touch yeah So this is your love language yeah this One massage there's six love languages His massage would be like an act of Service and physical touch How i Feel love could be different from how Sia feels loved which is true And learning What his love language is allows me to You know put in the effort to making Sure Like i'm doing that so that he feels Cared for and loved right right my love Language would be Like acts of service so like if i came Home and there was like a meal that she Knew was my favorite and she cooked it

For me That would that would mean a lot more Than Receiving a gift and and mine is touch And Um i think it's also important to know That your love language could change it Could shift throughout the years too so It's important to like be aware of that And share it with your partner because If i was like mine's touched so if i'm Like touching sia and like like why Doesn't he feel Is like love why is he telling me he Doesn't feel like so connected it's Because it's not his number one love Language right so now i know that it's Like doing something nice for him i put In more effort in that area so that he Knows he's loved yeah You can go to bed angry Sometimes the best thing to do is to Sleep on the conversation the heated Conversation yeah we've had many nights Staying up until 2 3 a.m having a talk About something in our relationship and Sometimes we work it through other times We just gotta go to sleep and wake up The next morning with a fresh mind Newer perspective and when you sleep Your brain actually organizes thoughts That's what's happening when you sleep So Sometimes it's the best thing to do

Spending quality time together Something we actually don't get to do Enough now that we have a kid So having time together like we are Right now is so important we're taking Advantage of it yeah absolutely this is Actually pretty close to where our land Is in costa rica this place is called The retreat and it's an incredible Experience It's amazing it is i want to live here We're spending the next couple of nights Here in one of their loft suites which Is beautiful And the bed is incredible the sheets are All organic cotton just like feel like a Marshmallow The food is all gluten-free plant-based If you want it And so Delicious it's an anti-inflammatory diet Yeah and like the kitchen's like mixed In with the whole You know resort so you kind of feel like You're just at a friend's house That has all this space and beautiful Rooms and you can like chat with the Cooks in the kitchen and just mingle With people and then go for treatments Like it's incredible this place and we Have a couple's massage coming up yeah Yeah it's it's like a crystal healing Massage i don't know what to expect are They gonna be like rubbing us with

Crystals like the description is very Intriguing that is all i know And i'm so excited to Share it with you it's it's supposed to You know align our heart chakras and our What's the one our genital chakra align Them are they misaligned well i guess Sometimes Like genitals getting to spend time with Each other And just relax and disconnect from Everything else is just Been so needed and so good And so important to always do to check In and be like have we spent time just You and i yeah not work related not Parent related just you and me As a couple You will fall in and out of love Most relationships end at this point i'm Sure you can even think about your own Lives and like you feel so much passion At the beginning it's exciting they're a New person a new body new lips new Experiences everything and then it might Like start fading away this is called The honeymoon phase right and it starts Fading away and you're like oh no no no No it's going this is the end this is The end this is how they all end And if you just stick it out it comes Back it's so normal like every emotion You're not always happy you're not Always sad you're not always angry

You're not always feeling love and that Is okay Yeah and At the beauty of it is you get to fall Back in love again after you've fallen Out of love you know yeah um and it also Is a sign of maybe there's something That you need to work on maybe That could be like as a couple it could Be individually maybe you need more time For you maybe you need more time for Each other so it'll really like kind of Like listen listen to it and and don't See Um Don't see it as like the end of a Relationship but the beginning of a Deeper relationship how can i love our Relationship so deeply if maybe i'm not Loving myself very deeply right like how Often do you not feel sexy do you not Feel as in love with your own reflection And how can you feel so much passion for A relationship if you can't like love Your own self first absolutely Talk to love experts and take workshops This is actually something that we Haven't really done That deeply no and it's something i Really really want to dive into Like now we've sat in like round table Discussions with great couples and with Experts but it's never been like a One-on-one session yes so yeah

Even after 17 years like there's still Things that we want to do to help Further improve our relationship You could feel so alone like oh i'm Feeling this way like no one will Understand but then all of a sudden all These other couples or couples are Saying the same thing you're like holy Crap okay This is normal what we're going through And it's okay you know you shouldn't Look at going to couples counseling or Therapy or anything is something Negative you're trying to better your Life And that is powerful Commit to personal growth What people don't realize is in a Relationship there's actually three Relationships there's your relationship Together There's Your relationship with yourself and There's your partner's relationship to Themself You need to be bettering all three of These you know at the same time if i'm Not bettering myself and learning and Doing things that benefit me how can i Benefit the relationship for me this is A non-negotiable because it's so Important to for me to be with someone Who wants to put the effort into Continuing to grow and learn and it's

Also a hell of a turn-on know when to Speak as best friends and as a couple Sometimes i need to give you advice That's almost against me as as the Partner that's the best friend right That's the best friend like what would If you went to a best friend and Complained about me about something What would your best friend tell you and I need to be that person for you Sometimes i actually really love it i Actually like being able to tune into That part of us We were lucky that we were best friends For two years before we had our first Kiss right so We had that foundation but that's not to Say that since that moment we haven't Kept building the friendship so even if You weren't best friends at the Beginning you can you can still develop That and build it Spend time apart This one has been something that we've Done a lot throughout our relationship We've done a lot of long distance And we've done a lot of chosen solo Trips and for me this is something that I personally need in my life i need to Have my own time to go explore things That i'm personally interested in by Myself that could be Spending a day doing something i love For me or it could be months traveling

Somewhere alone on a solo trip and it Allows me to You know have time apart from sia to Miss him and also to have my own stories That i can come back and share with him Which i think is super fun and Has really made our relationship much Stronger Try something new together Well even if you don't end up liking it You can not like it together Plus it's fun to try new things that That you've never done both of you It helps you bond together and maybe You'll find something you're super Passionate about together that you can Share Try a bunch of new things see what you Love together Trying something new also allows you to Allows you to problem solve together and You just get to explore more of life Together whether you enjoy it or not at Least you're trying and you will find Something you enjoy doing together or Even fail together yeah Yeah We need to work on this one we'll do it Yeah [Music] It's okay to have crushes on other People In fact we tell each other about our Crushes we have and it's fun and it's

Like it's fun to flirt with other people It's healthy it's normal like I feel like it should definitely be Normalized more more right like to Have Feelings for other people is completely Okay because There's so many wonderful people there's So many so there's there's eight billion People in the world yeah and you're Telling me that just because i have a Long-term partner i can't have you know Feelings like these innocent crushes on Other people hell yeah girls guys Whatever it's fun people are awesome Sometimes we have crushes on the same People i think it's super healthy that We've been able to Share our crushes with each other Instead of thinking that we can't and we Have to keep it hidden like it's like Forbidden a horrible thing like that we Shouldn't be feeling but like it's you Know it's normal and it's okay Travel the world together Traveling with your partner is one of The best activities you can do together It's so much fun you have so many Stories you build together and you get To know them in a different way Travel gets you out of your everyday Routine it allows you As a couple to experience things for the First time together and to be playful

And laugh and cry and go through all of The emotions really some of our best Moments together happened when we were Traveling not when we were at home it Just opened us up to opportunities to Receive more love and give more love and And laugh and be playful and so many of The amazing qualities in a relationship Don't stop being intimate Obviously And it's been fun like throughout the Years to try new ways to be intimate Right to be Extra creative and Adventurous totally and to be honest With like What What i want and what and what you want To be vocal about it knows How to communicate that we have a Lifetime of sharing a bed together so It's only fitting that you explore as Much as possible that you want to do in A safe environment with your partner There are courses plenty of different Types of courses workshops retreats that You can take part in In this area of the relationship we've Been together for 17 years and in our Sex life i think there's more that we Still haven't tried than have yet Absolutely without a question There's a lot you can do out there Customize your relationship

Everything we have mentioned has been Important but this one i think really Stands out for me Because No No one relationship is the same as all The others We've learned a lot about each other Over the years and We that's all considered when it comes To our relationship What our needs and our wants are Individually as a couple and what works Specifically for us yeah and what works For us isn't going to work for some of You out there that's why you need to Customize every element of your Relationship I'm right down to even like you're Sleeping like some people don't even Sleep in the same bed some people don't Sleep in the same rooms and that works For that couple that enhances their Relationship that's the goal here what Also works for us is having our own Quality time to ourselves away from each Other like having solo trips for me like Long periods of time month to three Months i've done Has been so healthy for our relationship It's really worked for us whereas other People i know they don't even want to Spend a night apart from their partner Customize baby

Sending you guys so much love and Support i know relationships are All hard but They're worth it yeah Thank you [Music]

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