Why I Don’t Speak Ill Of My Husband

Along with compromise, understanding, humility, and lots of love and laughter. Because ultimately, being together and loving each other is a choice. One that we make daily. I choose to love him. And he chooses {thankfully} to love me.

Whether it is learning from our mistakes, picking battles and priorities, or simply taking the other’s feelings into consideration… I certainly have done plenty of that in my time. One example being; I know to never speak of a “honey do” list. *chuckle* For him, he knows that I loathe the word “nag”. That is something we meet half way on, I try not to nag and neither if us use that word when describing me or my mood. I much prefer the word “harpy”. It has fond connections tied to it {World of Warcraft, if you’re savvy}.

But of all the things I have learned, the biggest that I strive for and try to be mindful of is not talking smack about my husband. It’s easy to fall into that trap. And believe me you, it is a b*tch to pull yourself out of once you’re in there.
Why I Don't Speak Ill Of My Husband
I used to freely speak of issues, vents, rants, etc. that I had about my exes. At work, with friends, with family… Any ear that would tune in. Any face that would smile and nod. Any voice that would chime in, feeding off one another’s relationship woes.

Here is the thing:

If you talk about your significant other often enough and the only way you speak of him/her is negatively? That is only light those people will see him/her in. Not only that, the feedback, advice, and relate-able woes you hear from said listeners will play back in your head. Mental mind flay. It’s poisonous. Looking back, I realize that all the talking I did about my ex(es) at the time was doing more harm than good.

In fact, there was a time I was doing some {I thought} harmless venting about The Mister {before we said I do} to my mom. I forget exactly what I said, but I think it was when he wasn’t working and I was paying all the bills that unemployment wouldn’t. It was stressful. Coupled with coming home {exhausted, working long shifts/doubles in the restaurant} a messy apartment and him playing video games…I vented. I needed a sounding board. After hearing me out, she said something to the effect of So, why don’t you just leave him?

*blink*

I will also say, that without missing a beat my mom retracted her suggestion when she realized that was not what I needed to hear. Ha!

I was stunned. It’s not like I was talking about any other guy… it was HIM. I felt like she completely misunderstood my “need” to vent. This is when I realized I had made a huge mistake.

The idea of leaving him was harrowing. From that moment on, I was much more aware of how I spoke of him. I did not want to give anyone the chance to suggest I leave him again.

Why I Don't Speak Ill Of My Husband

Ultimately, it is not fair to him. If I found out The Mister was talking badly of me to his coworkers or his brothers… Or his mom?! I’d be livid and crushed all at once.

Talk About Your Blessings More Than You Talk About Your Problems

I remind myself often.

Lift him up. Be thankful for the good. Pick my battles with the seemingly bad. Talk to him. Give him due praise. Don’t take him for granted.
Why I Don't Speak Ill Of My Husband

Bottom Line:

I may jest about dirty socks on the floor, but when The Mister is out of town? I miss his dirty socks something fierce.

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  2 comments for “Why I Don’t Speak Ill Of My Husband

  1. January 25, 2014 at 4:01pm

    Aah… harpy… love that. It’s fun to use wow-speak at home. heck, today, I reminded hubbs & the family that the little $1 mailboxes at target only respawn every 11 months, so if they break, we can’t get any more for a long time.

    I learned the tough way about talking bad about my hubby. Most of the time, I spoke great, but little complaints were all my co-workers seemed to remember… and before you know it, everyone think I can do better & should ditch him. Not cool. I even got creepers on my blog looking for fuel to add to their “dump him” fire. Ugh. I’ve also since learned to keep my mouth shut about anything negative… to pretty much everyone. Except him, of course.
    Lisa Brown recently posted…Easy Lentil Sloppy Joes!My Profile

    • January 25, 2014 at 4:27pm

      Lisa, I cannot even begin to tell you how glad I was to see your comment! First, the respawn rate on mailboxes needs to be petitioned ;) Second, It’s so, so true! I’m glad I came to realize this when I did, long before walking down the aisle. I think it’s saved so much turmoil. This post, like many, has been in draft for-ever. I finally felt comfortable enough to hit publish. The Mister actually is reading a book…{let me get it} The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom – one of the agreements is to speak with integrity. I want him to hurry up so I can read it.
      Erin recently posted…PerspectiveMy Profile

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