Do you see self preservation or simply selfishness?

I’ve been mulling this one over lately. I can see how it could be taken either way… true to perception; the reality clutches onto whomever is looking.

Several months back {okay, I’m talking nine or so}, The Mister and I had a conversation after leaving an awkward gathering.

There are some people in life, despite how much I have tried to share a laugh with them, embrace a moment with them, find something in common with them {merely a thread} we always fall short. Values, what we enjoy, how we talk, and attitudes – all so different.

And no, I don’t surround myself with robots that do, eat, wear, listen to, and clean the same. way. I. do. Where’s the fun in that?

Differences are needed in relationships. Differences keep things interesting. Ha! But in this particular case, even a basic sense of cordiality in a social situation is just non existent.

So, the feeling of dread washes over me when I know I am going to see them. There is not even the tiniest bit of fulfillment felt in our interactions. The thing is, I know these people have shared disparaging words about me in their home, in front of their children, and even to me over the phone {belligerently unaware that I answered my phone}.

This awkward stew has been simmering for years. I have turned the other cheek, dusted my shoulders off, rolled my eyes and cocked my brow once I was at home and back in safe company – every time I have risen above it. And only to be yanked back down again.

If I were dating these people they wouldn’t have lasted more than the first date. Okay, I lied. I wouldn’t date them in the first place. If they were friends, I’d stop hanging out with them. Cut “it” out, so to speak.

“The finest fury is the most controlled.” ~ Christopher Hitchens – a quote The Mister reminds me of often.

The main reason I hold my tongue is my children. Although, there are times I wonder. What does my tongue biting and putting up with a toxic relationship teach them? Plus, if I am so highly regarded {/sarcasm}, what’s to stop these people from passive aggressively mumbling something that my child{ren} may hear? What would I do then?

You know, aside from politely suggest they take a good long look at my kids because that’s the last time they’ll see them.


How many times do you turn the other cheek before you finally let them go walk away?

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  4 comments for “Perspective

  1. January 25, 2014 at 3:30pm

    I see neither self-preservation nor selfishness… just happiness. I think it’s time to walk away. And… that leaves me wondering what the heck kind of things they’re saying about you. Do they think you’re a bad person? Make fun of your life decisions? I think some people WANT to be surrounded by people who live like they do…it makes them feel like they’re doing the right thing. Sometimes putting thought into decisions that others don’t think twice about makes them feel awkward, because they never considered any other options. (EX Food, schooling, screen time, discipline, etc.

    Hopefully Luv & Bugs have other friends… if not, make it a point to find new ones. πŸ™‚
    Lisa Brown recently posted…Easy Lentil Sloppy Joes!My Profile

    • January 25, 2014 at 4:42pm

      Too often I give advice and don’t apply it to myself. I’m not sure why. I just know that I have grown tired from the weight of all the remarks and thoughts in my head inspired by experiences/conversations. I do enjoy having shared interests with people for inspiration and refueled excitement, so I understand that. But I don’t have prerequisites for being present in our lives. πŸ˜€ One person’s idea of the right thing will differ from mine. The kids actually have wonderful friends and I’m truly thankful for that. πŸ™‚
      Erin recently posted…PerspectiveMy Profile

  2. January 26, 2014 at 9:39am

    I’m very passionate about this issue because I don’t see it as being selfish at all. Okay, maybe a teeny, tiny bit once you’ve severed ties, but ultimately I can live with the guilt of being selfish over the worry and dread I feel every time I with these vampires. I call them vampires because that’s just what they are; they’re energetic vampires that drain you of your energy leaving you feeling drained and physically tired once you’re done hanging out with them.

    I had a good friend once who was also a very high maintenance friend. If you didn’t answer her text right away she’d send 5 more, call you twice, and Facebook message you to check your phone. She was all over the map with her emotions and it was always HER problems you were dealing with. It was her way or the highway most of the time, too. Don’t get me wrong, she was a wonderful friend for a long time and I truly do miss our friendship, but not at the expense of my health which is why I severed ties. There is a little guilt there but ultimately I feel so much better not having to deal with all the drama!

    “If it doesn’t serve your highest self, it’s time to let it go.”
    Kayla @ TheEclecticElement recently posted…Fresh Fruit & Spinach Matcha Smoothie RecipeMy Profile

    • January 26, 2014 at 4:19pm

      Yes! Good for you – moving on from toxic relationships is so freeing. Whether it is a boyfriend, friend, or whatever. It may sting, may be harsh to hear, but sometimes it must be done for your sanity and health. Stress is something I’m trying to alleviate in honor of my health {autoimmunity and stress do not work well together!!}. I have to admit though, I’m not a confrontational type and would rather just play the “don’t call me, I’ll {not} call you” card. :/
      Erin recently posted…PerspectiveMy Profile

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